The United States is slowly being invaded, but not by terrorists, viral weapons or Jehovah’s Witnesses.
No, I call them the BUGS FROM HELL.
The Brown, Marmorated Stink Bug, from the insect family Pentatomidae, has been an agricultural pest in it’s native countries of China, Japan, Korea and Taiwan.
Of course, since pretty much everything we buy in America is imported from these countries, is it any wonder why we are now facing the same Homeland Security threat.
Okay, so I’m being melodramatic, but let’s be honest, they are a pain in the thick of our derrieres with their incessant buzzing and unnaturally disturbing odor when you squash them, but they are a threat to farming communities across the Mid Atlantic and beyond, because they seem to be reproducing at an alarming rate.
They were first collected in Allentown, Pennsylvania.
They were recorded in 37 counties in PA.
There are reported sightings all across the country from California to New York.
So, how do we get rid of these suckers?
A few suggestions, mechanical exclusions being the best method of course, you want to make sure that cracks around windows, doors, siding, utility pipes, behind chimneys and under the wood fascia are sealed by good, quality silicone or silicone-latex caulk.
Yes, there is a higher purpose for silicone other than increasing breast size, although there may be many men out there who would disagree.
For the outside, you may want to contact your local pest control operator in the fall, prior to bug congregation.
Now, even with all these preparations, I am almost certain they will adapt and manage to weesle their way into our homes and lives.
Be strong America! We will prevail!
Penn State – Entomology
Okay…this book says that for the next 2 minutes I have to talk on paper. I remember doing that before when I was like 11. Now it seems so hard. I think because children are so innocent and curious, of course as we get older we’re tainted by all the shit the world tends to throw at us.
Me? I’m just like what the fuck am I doing? Am I writing or am I bullshitting myself? i do bullshit myself a lot so it wouldn’t be that far fetched.
I went and got some lottery tickets today and I know it’s like a one in a million shot but, it’s like this…you can’t win if you don’t play.
Yeah that’s bullshit too…anyway…
I don’t know what the hell I’m saying. I think I need some coffee.
Ah, sleeps overrated anyway.
I use to love to sleep because I was under the impression that i do dream, but, like 99.9% of the time I can’t remember them anyway so, really, what’s the point?
I was going to try learning how to do the lucid dreaming thing. Now that would be cool, providing, of course, it actually works. Then I could be in control and torture my enemies without any legal ramifications.
I remember buying these lucid dreaming glasses, they were like 250 bucks. Yeah, I”m a sucker. They claimed that when you went into REM sleep it would send this light sensor that was suppose to subconsciously awaken you to your dreams, kind of like virtual reality I guess.
I remember the first movie I saw on virtual reality. It was called “Westworld” with Yul Brenner. That was such a cool movie and that was the first time I ever saw Brenner’s sway. Yeah, he had a sway and I thought he was hot…anyway back to this writing thing.
What does it mean? Am I suppose to make sense because right now I don’t think I’m making a hell of a lot of it, bullshit maybe, but not sense.
It’s kind of like when I start talking about my views on the state of the world. I’m passionate about it and my voice gets louder and people stop listening and I get even more pissed off and start screaming until I don’t even remember what point I was trying to make in the first place.
Ah, well…I’m starting to ramble now so I guess it’s time to say goodnight.
Here I am, once again. Another sleepless night. I feel like a vampire. Man! That would be really cool…an immortal life, seeing all you can see, being all you can be like in the army.
Be all you can be? Who the hell come up with that line anyway? Someone who failed miserably as a poet…sat there just mumbling to himself and all of a sudden
Be all that you can be, in the army? Are you kidding me?
Hey…don’t quit your day job because in today’s economy you might not find another one for awhile.
Living the dream in the “Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave”.
Freedom from what?
I might as well just have a sign on my back that says, “Knock me on the ground and kick me while I’m down.”
People tell me, have some patience. “Patience is a virtue” Yeah? The person who came up with that brilliant quote was probably someone who was born with a golden spoon in their mouth.
I was born with a golden spoon in my mouth too, but my parents took it out because it turned my tongue green.
I think I’m finally starting to understand country songs. They’re no longer the bummer songs we use to listen to.
Now, as we’re driving in bumper to bumper traffic to a job that pays you just enough to stay and not enough to leave and your listening and then all of a sudden…BAM! It hits you just like that!
I know exactly what Clint Black is talking about. Not that he would know anything about my miserable life with his gold-plated albums hanging on the wall of his multi million dollar home, while he’s sitting on a beach in Cancun in speedos and cowboy boots, his hat shielding him from the sun.
What the hell am I talking about anyway?
Maybe I should just go crawl into my closet, close the door and breathe my last breath. Wait a minute. That would be embarrassing…to die before I’ve had a chance to delete all the free porn off my computer.
I’m not a perv. I just like to masturbate…a lot.
Hey that’s just about the only pleasurable thing I have going for me right now. I quit drinking and smoking so the only thing that’s left is some KY jelly and my special latex friend.
Some of my friends would say, “That’s fine but it’s not like the real thing.”
Honey, let me tell you something. I don’t have to pick up after it. I don’t have to cook it dinner and I don’t have to put up with the bullshit that comes with the great orgasms.
Men are good for some things, like paying your bills, but don’t let them touch the plumbing or you may find yourself knee deep in crappy water, and I mean that literally. It stains your pants and it doesn’t smell so good.
Through her haze Shelby stared at the blood stained sheets. She wanted to forget what happened, but the twinge between her legs was a painful reminder of how Michael had shred her maidenhead in an uncontrollable rage, calling her a tease for making him wait to take her to bed.
Shelby grew up in the Bible Belt, raised thinking a woman should remain virtuous until she married. Michael Sinclair was 22, handsome and charming. His daddy owned a string of posh hotels in Oklahoma City.
When they met at a charity event, she was mesmerized by him, his unrelenting compliments made her giggle like a schoolgirl. They danced and talked, completely ignoring everyone else around them.
Her parents, Griffin and Frances Dane, thought Michael was the perfect man for their 18 year old daughter to marry. So, when he asked Shelby’s father for her hand in marriage Griffin gave his blessing.
The wedding was a predominate display of southern elegance and prosperity. Although they were now husband and wife, Michael’s parents did not show an ounce of warmth towards their son’s young bride. They thought her a trollup for sinking her claws into him and manipulating him into marriage.
Now, here she was, scared and lonely. Far away from the only home she knew. When Michael had finished with her she curled up into a fetal position. weeping. After he donned his crumpled tuxedo he regarded her with obvious disdain.
“The first time is always painful.” He said without a hint of sympathy. “You’re my wife now and you will learn to accept it as part of your duty.”
Shelby changed the sheets, took a shower and crawled into bed, her consciousness giving way to tortured dreams. Michael came back late in the night and possessively wrapped her in his arms. The strong, smell of liquor almost made her gag. After an hour, she finally managed to fall asleep.
Her eyes were that of ocean blue with specs of winter frost.
Her ringlet hair the color of honey with hues of burning amber.
She whispered, her voice like satin, coaxing me to surrender,
Into her warm, protective embrace, to shield me from my loss.
“Do not weep for them, my child.” she said.
‘For there is no reason to consume your heart with sorrow.
They will always be with you, memories burned to mind and soul.
I offer a gift that cannot be bought for any amount of gold.
It is a chance, an offer given to few, to change tomorrow.”
Those mesmerizing eyes bore into mine and I could not look away.
Her smile glowed and cast its glory upon my face.
“You must go back.” she said. “For where I’m going you cannot follow, but do not fear, for I shall be with you always.”
A soft mist grew into billowy clouds, which carried her above,
Until I could no longer see her, but still I felt her touch,
As I was whisked away, into the night, like particles of dust,
Admiring the starry sky, my being filled with joy and love.
“But why?” I asked. “Why was I the one chosen? Surely, there must be someone else who deserves this chance more than I.”
“You do not wish to receive this gift?” She whispered.
“It’s not that I don’t appreciate the offer you are giving me, but Michael has a mother who’s sick and he’s been taking care of her. Shelby is a devoted wife and a wonderful mother. I have no one depending on me.”
“There is another way.” She said. “Do you offer yourself as a sacrifice so your friends shall live?”
“It is the only decision to make.” He replied.
“Very well.” She said.
He was surrounded by a light as bright as the early morning sun.
Through a smoky haze, he saw the future his sacrifice created.
Shelby, the girls and her husband, in the park, then it faded,
To Michael reading by his mother’s bedside in complete devotion.
His body was placed within the ground, but his spirit will be forever watchful.